Busy week

I have a busy week waiting for me. Im really unsure what to do with myself. I find myself getting more and more anxious lately and its a mix of ocd nerves as well as everything else. I also havent been feeling the best. My entire abdoman has been sore. Its not a painful sore just a tender sore. I may have just overworked myself. Who knows. I have been known to do ridiculous things to myself and my body. The topamax is screwing up my cycles bad. Well not the cycles but the ovulation. I know i didnt ovulate this month yet even though i dont test for that for multiple reasons. I always cramps and i always break out in acne. I havent gotten either one of those. This is the 3rd time this has happened. Every time it happens my cycles are crazy light as well and i end up with wicked bad pains on my ovaries. I really think its time to talk to a gyno about this. I think theres an underlying issue. Im not sure how far away my breaking point is but i am surprised i havent reached it yet.

Side effects.

side effects. Why must they be so evil at times? Luvox and i have a love/hate relationship at times. I have been completely nauseated all night since taking it. I feel like there will come no relief better than just throwing up but of course my body does not agree. Every medication i have been on has given me some adverse side effects. This one is the only one that worries me. After being diagnosed with acid reflux in my teens anything that involves my stomach being unsettled does not sit well with me. I lose my voice a lot due to the over production of acid. Since it has no where to go it likes hanging out in my throat. Ever since i got my galbladder removed this scares me more. My acid reflux has been under control with no medication but im still scared. I dont want to harm my vocal cords or my throat at all.

Temptation is real.

I (almost) took myself on a road trip to nashville tn straight after work saturday night. The regret is real for not going. There was a concert i wanted to see. Yes a 22 hour car ride would have been worth it. I could have driven back home tomorrow and been back in time for my class for work on wednesday. I could have seen friends i hadnt seen in 3 years. Did i mention i have been off of my meds for a week now? This is most certainly one of my manic impulses. I came up with the idea thursday and i had no plans as far as where i would go in tn just that i would go. Strangely enough i had a dream similar to this impulse a couple of weeks ago that i completely forgot about until just now. I got to nashville and posted a picture of downtown to facebook saying who wants to hang out with me a couple of days. Probay a good thing i didnt go through with it but i would like to add Fall Out Boy and their openers would have been totally worth it and i would have figured out one way or another to get tickets. The washington show is out of the question. Last time i drove through montana the changes is elevations made me entirely way too sick. I was sick for days and days. That my friends is not worth it. Honestly it was one of their openers that i wanted to see mostly but i do love fall out boy just not so much their new stuff. Go back to infinity on high and earier and game on i would be in nashville right now. There would have been no holding me back. Honestly i just want to be able to go to nashville for a couple of weeks and see friends but that cant happen for at least a year because i am in a year long class for work. Starts this wednesday. Wish me luck. Just trust me when i say im going to need it.

The good the bad and the ugly.

I feel as though life is just trying to test me. Does anyone else have those periods? I swear…nothing is going according to plan. Yesterday at work was just pure agony. We threw away more than we should. By that i mean over a thousand pounds. Just take my word for it…thats bad. It wasnt my fault at all. Ita just stupid. Why cant people get their shit together so that doesnt happen? And this is where the testing comes in. Do you know how hard it was for me to not blow up on someone asking how hard it was to count to fucking 24? You just had to make sure there were 24 and they were ugly as all hell. I swear…i deserve a gold star for yesterday. The people that dont normally freak out are the ones that freaked out. I stayed fucking calm. Maybe i was too tired to freak out and panic. Who knows. All i know is im glad its monday and i dont have to deal with this again until friday.